What has three legs and speaks Russian… who cares… I’m joining a motorcycle gang! I know, it’s one of the best ideas I’ve ever had. I actually feel like such a fairy for not thinking about it sooner (a couple months ago I contemplated joining a dance club. I don’t know if that’s the same though?) Either way, I decided upon the fab idea as a pack of mean mugging bikers cruised by my Bushwick apartment this afternoon. There must have been a hundred of them, all in ripped leather pants and short sleeved shirts, exposing their skull and naked women tattoos. Most of them had grizzly beards and a couple had swastikas on their jackets, but whatever, it’s 2009 I’m sure they have room for a Jewish biker. Who else is going to do their taxes?
What originally got my attention was how they revved their engines, all loud like, ROARRRRRRRRR ROARRRRRRRRR (it hurt my ears a little, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it once I’m one of the boys). They seemed so cool and I tried to flex my scrawny arms, hoping one would see and ask me to be their leader. They were living the life I wanted. But what really made me want to be a part of the wolf pack was the idea of beating people up. If you will, a scene…
Biker Danny: (noticing a group of frat boys wearing Ed Hardy, I look at one of my comrades) Hey those guys are wearing Ed Hardy!
Biker Comrade: Yes, so?
Biker Danny: So? Fucking Ed Hardy is for tulips and daisys. We should kill them.
Biker Comrade: Man, forget it. Lets just finish sharping our knives and take a ride out to Nebraska so we can get some more tattoos.
Biker Danny: (after cracking a pool stick in half, I begin walking over) Na fuck that. I’m going to kill them.
Biker Comrade: (yelling out to the rest of the crew) Hey guys, Danny wants to kill someone, again. Get your weapons.
End Scene
Really f-ing awesome, right? I know. This is going to be great. I’m just a little confused on the audition process. I’m not too sure how you get in. I’ve prepared a two minute monologue, a song from Grease, and updated my resume. Cross your fingers for me.
Update: Hell’s Angels, The Mongols, and The Hogs all said they’re going to pass… but these guys said yes. And even though they 
weren’t my first choice, I think we’re going to be a great fit.
Also thank you to the guys at HD Forums for posting this on their site! Ride on bitches!!
http://www.hdforums.com/forum/off-topic/646266-joining-a-biker-gang-funny.html
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wha?