“25 years ago I came out of my mother’s vagina… 9 months prior my father came in it.” – My mother is not please about my newest joke… though my father thinks it’s funny.
It’s my birthday and apparently I can cry if I want to… which seems plausible, as lately I’ve been binge drinking and watching re-runs of Dawson’s Creek (I always get teary-eyed when Pacey has sex with his high school teacher. It was always a dream of mine). But as for crying because I’m a quarter century old, I think I’ll be able to hold back the tears. Honestly I really don’t mind twenty-five… it’s sort of young-adult. Like I’m old enough to rent a car, but still young enough to fill it with hot girls and drive around singing Jason Derulo songs. No I wouldn’t actually sing Jason Derulo songs, but I do like singing his name in that auto-tone voice (tell me you didn’t just do it right now? It’s so addicting). Jasonnnn Derulooooooo.
But I’ve begun to embrace my new oldness and plan on doing all sorts of old people stuff this year. Mainly I’m ready to buy a watch, buy some vitamins and take naps (mostly the naps). Every old person I know takes naps. It’s probably the best part of getting old, as the older you are the longer the nap (at one point you won’t wake up from the nap… but by then you should be reallllyyy old. I said realllyyy in the Jason Derulo voice). It’s Realllllyyyy Jasonnnn Deruloooooo.
Either way, I’m officially twenty-five, still figuring out where my life is going and am going to take a nap right now… because I can (note I’m going to set an alarm on my watch so I can wake up and take my vitamins). Blah Blah stay pretty.
Daniel Dickey (not said in a Jason Derulo voice. Na, nevermind. I realllyyy ended up saying it like Jasonnnn Derulooooo)