I am the lord of the flies.
That’s right, I’m not talking about the book you had to read in 10th grade…I’m talking about me straight killing some flies. See last week I left my front door open when I went to the corner store to by some string cheese…no big deal right? WRONG! I live in Bushwick and the Latin cooking the lesbians across the hall do attracts flies from all over Brooklyn into my hallway. So I come home chewing my cheese and see a little fly chilling on the wall…whatever I’ll let him live, I don’t like killing things. Well guess what? He was a she, and she gave birth to 32094332 flies in my living room. They are everywhere. I haven’t slept through the night in over a week. I wake up at all hours to flies in my ears, nose, and I’m pretty sure two were fooling around in my button last night…which is gross…they are bother and sister.
I tried yelling really loud, I’ve trying saying sarcastic, degrading things to the flies, I’ve even tried posting naked pictures of Samuel L Jackson around the house…nothing worked and I have been forced to start killing them. Thing is, they are producing faster than I’m killing. I have since decided to take a new plan of action…
Now I’ll Deal With The Spider Infestation In My Closet,
Daniel Dickey
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey,
Those flies at your house had just finished eating a heaping of my shit, they were so well nourished they thought they’d buzz over to your house to procreate. When you think about it, you’ll realize the pitter-patter of little fly paws all over your face had previously been practiced, wading through my feces. I took your brain to another dimension.
Cheers,
JPF
Dammit, Dickey, I feel used. You could at least leave my link in the comment. From one starving, nut-on-your-chin job to another, it’s the decent thing to do, don’t you think?
Girl why you so sensitive? I’ll let the links ride out now that we’re buddies.
First off, gross. I hope you catch them all!! Second, I’m not so sure JPF is a girl….
get a life dude. your shit isn’t as funny at all.
I stumbled upon your blogs a couple of days ago and have read ALL of them. That is some funny shit! I’ve laughed so hard I was crying, and so loud I woke my bf (he was in the house-I’m in the garage on the computer). Keep up the great work. Can’t wait for the next one.
Michele from sunny CA
In responce to ugh, I’m sorry did you say something? I was so busy writing a rap song about fingering your girlfriend that I didn’t hear the fecal matter coming out of your mouth.
Eat a dick sandwich with extra mayo…all over your face.
All others, I love you. Have a fantab day.