Question: How many weeds brownies/cupcakes did I eat last night?
Answer: 600 and/or 2.
Hopefully with that knowledge you’ll understand my current mental/physical state.
I had never eaten weed brownies or cupcakes up until last night, and 18 hours after consumption, I’ve only spoken six words and eaten sixty meals. Since one of my roommates is moving back to Florida tomorrow morning and I’m always looking for an excuse to get drunk and do bad things, I decided to have a little shindig at my place. It just so happened everyone we invited were extreme potheads and obviously happened to have a lot of marijuana on them. What did that mean? It meant while I downed my fruit punch and vodka, I was smoking a mega-fat blunt, again, and again, and again. And with that, it began as a great night, just like the other 364 I experienced in New York (yesterday was my one year anniversary of living in New York), but when a friend of mine walked into my kitchen at 2:00am with a zip-lock bag of fresh baked chocolate weed cupcakes and brownies it started to become a night worth blogging about.
See I’ve come to realize any pastry filled with weed is not only a wonderful way to maintain a 24 hour high, but they’re also a super satisfying meal. While consuming them, not only am I able to fulfill my craving for marijuana, but I’m also able to attend to my urge to splurge on a redic amount of junk food. The problem arose when I forgot the cupcakes and brownies were jam packed with hash and I had already eaten pounds of them (I might be exaggerating slightly). This is what was going on in my head during the rest of my night.
- 2:12am – Wow these cupcakes taste amazing. I could eat 600 of these.
- 2:23am – I think I’m going to get in the bath, fill it with milk and just sleep in it.
- 3:02am – Am I the only one that can’t feel my feet? It looks like they’re still attached, but I’m not convinced–I think I might be paralyzed.
- 3:03am – Ok, I feel my feet again, but can no longer feel my elbows. Both of them have gone numb. I should prank call people and pretend to be Hulk Hogan.
- 3:17am – The guy that brought these is a little crazy. What the fu@k was I thinking eating these? What if there’s poison in them? I need to make sure everyone else eats them too–that way we ALL die.
- 3:43am – I’m having sex? I’m having sex! Am I wearing a condom? I’m wearing a condom! Look, there’s another brownie on the window sill!
- 4:23am – How am I still having sex? Usually I’m asleep after a couple minutes. Who’s making all that noise? Oh snap, there’s a ant on the ceiling. I wonder if he gets dizzy up there? I’d get dizzy up there. Wow, I’m sort of dizzy right now.
- 4:30am – Do I hear more people in the kitchen? Yes, they just lit another joint. I don’t know if I should smoke — I’m so high right now. I wonder if there is a God?
- 5:01am – Why are these people still in my house? When that girl turns her head I’m going to steal her bagel.
- 5:03am – I don’t give a sh!t if she knows I took the bagel. This is my house and I’ll eat whomever’s bagel. I took the bagel, so fu@k you. I saw you drink all my fruit punch when you got here.
- 5:15am – I’m freaking out right now. I think I’m dying. Maybe I should go back to college. Does my breath smell? Does this girl think she’s sleeping in my bed? Oh, another cupcake.
- 5:22am – I think there was cream cheese and turkey in that bagel. I would have never thought to mix those two things on my own. If I cut my thumb off would I get disability checks from the government? Whatever happened to Boys II Men? I should buy a chocolate factory. I wish I was a lion.
- 5:37am – I can’t sleep with this girl in my bed. She’s like 120 degrees. I’m going to start sweating. I should draw a dick on her face. I shouldn’t of eaten that girl’s bagel–it was wrong of me. I wonder if Jurassic Park is a real place?
- 9:00am – Hey girl! You’re alarm is ringing loud as hell. Get out of — bahahahah I drew a dick on her face!
- 2:22pm – I’m still high. I forgot to take my contacts out. I didn’t die? I’m going back to sleep.
It’s 10pm and I’ve been at work since 4pm. I thought it would feel like an insanely long shift, as I’m still feeling the influences of last night, but surprisingly it’s going by really quick. Maybe I’ll do this more often. I’m submitting my application tomorrow for a place in Mid Town West. Might end up being a Manhattan man after all.
Preheating my oven,
Daniel Dickey
Update: To those of you that stumbled across this blog because you recently ingested or are considering eating pot brownies, my only advice would be to not eat that much off the bat. You get really high. Like really high. So eat half of one and wait an hour or so before consuming more. Or eat a bunch and enjoy the trip you’re going to experience for the next day. Let me know how it goes.
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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
lmfao!
Oo0Ooo0h, got to love the hash goodies. You must have been just retarded, haha.
Weed brownies are the best. How do you make some good ones?
hahahhahahhahahha!!!!!!!!! as always
Its very funny to read this from your perspective. It makes me want to write about my own “first time brownie eating” experience ;oP
This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Ever. I saved the link and I read it when Im having a bad day or just in need of a good giggle. Thanks for the laughs. Let’s be friends.
I just laughed so hard!! My husband and I are waiting for my first batch of special brownies too cool… Cant waite!!!!
omg>>i just had some lastnite (first time)and felt the same way!!amazing
LOL
can we do sex ? I mean sexuall desire will be there after eating brownies ? Because i never tried or never eat them….I want to try once.
I just ate weed brownies last night. It is now 8 O clock in the evening and my arms still feel numb lol I still feel weird haha I thought my best friend was just some random person who snuck into the apartment and was whispering weird things to me. Your 5:15 am was pretty much my whole night
I ate some the other night with my boyfriend who is a serious pot head. I started to feel high within an hour. I couldn’t hold a thought one second after I’d had it. I started thinking my boyfriend put something else in the brownies cause I couldn’t stop shaking. It seemed like he was fucking with me , he looked like the devil his chin looked so pointy. It was like my whole body was spazzing. I remember crying & wanting him to leave but I couldn’t tell him . I wanted to go to the ER, I couldn’t move – I just kept shaking uncontrollably. My daughter came home & calmed me down enough to get me to bed & then I slept but felt so weird the next day. Five days later & I still don’t feel like myself. It was definitely not fun. Have you ever heard of this type of reaction before?
@nicole: That’s an awesome night! I wish you many more.
@elle: LOL trust me you’ll be fine. I’ve been there done that many of times. You had a panic attack and it was insanely scary because of its intensity. But even though you still don’t feel like yourself, everything will be fine. You’re still sightly nervous and on edge because of how much it affected you. It’ll be flowers and candy in no time.
Elle, you probably have cancer, or herpes. One of the two.
Thanks Admin – I feel ‘normal’ again just like you said I would.
AND guess what Finneas!! – the cancer & the herpes have been cured due to the large dosage I took.
On a lighter note, I tried just one brownie and it was great. So relaxed this time.
thanks
HAHAHAHA OMG this is hilarious, “5:03am – I don’t give a shit if she knows I took the bagel. This is my house and I’ll eat whomever’s bagel. I took the bagel, so fuck you.” LMFAO
thanks man, funny as hell
I’m having my first brownies this weekend : )
@Elle I feel similar to you. I got up there 20-30 mins afterward. Superhigh up there. Couldn’t remember a thought. I thought dude put something in it because my heart was racing. I looked at the clock. It was 5pm which I believed was really 7pm. I started having an epiphany about how nasty & disgusting I am to be around then thinking up an apology to my mom about it. Random songs in my head. Heart pounding. Was saying to myself I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like being high. Figured out why I haven’t smoked in 4 years. I wish I hadnt underestimated how powerful that stuff is. Now I’m worried that I won’t get a job before year end
Walking around the kitchen pacing hoping the person in the next room is wondering if something is wrong with me. My pupils were rapidly changing in size. NEVER AGAIN
went to meet up with my girlfriends yesterday and they were smoking the bong and passing joints around. I needed to get home early that night and had a lot to do, so I refused the weed going around. I went to chill in the kitchen with my boyfriend and saw these massive cupcakes and picked at one not putting mind to it.. My boyfriend needed to go to the mall because his cousin was in trouble and I started to feel weird, felt myself zoning out and then I started to laugh about everything. By the tym I got back to my girlfriends and hour later, I was so high I couldn’t keep my eyes open and I laughed till my ribs were sore. I left there and went home, where my step mom was and she noticed I was acting so strange. Like I kept staring at her and laughing and getting paranoid.. My stomach was so empty I felt like it would fall out and the dinner cooking was taking forever! I couldn’t face anyone at the dinner table and wanted to wait till everyone was done but my mind refused. I think I ate like a savage. When I was in bed I felt like I was gonna die, my mouth was swollen and my throat extremely dry, I started to shake and my stomach started cramping up real bad. I was about to wake my dad up countless tyms to take me to the E.R at midnight. Woke up this morning and still felt high.. And now I’m on such a low I can’t do anything. Got everyone to tell me there was weed in there and I’m not the only one feeling so ill, everyone elses first tym was y.day
LOL. Getting too high off of weed brownies sucks when you eat them on purpose, but doing it by mistake REALLY sucks. You’ll feel fine by tomorrow, for sure.
Yesterday bringing in the New Year was a bit different. One bite too many. I suppose if I didn’t get excited about how good they were my reaction would not have been as intense. Shakes, Numbness, Sleep Deprevation, Hallucinations were made for camera. I must admit there is a difference in eating and smoking. Let’s. Just say my friend’s 30th was full of comedy and I apart of the joke.If you date to try start with a SMALL piece…3 brownies on your first saying experience…DUMB IDEA
haahah woww its a coincident that i found this … today i ate a pot brownie … before this i had never smoked pot or eatin anything with it in it …. well it was a fun experiance and reading this just made my day even funnier
Ohhh my gosh! Ok so if any of you every decide to eat weed brownies I would say DO NOT do it! I at about 4 super small pieces and literally
well to any of you who wanna try it even after my experience the only advice I would give u is, do
Felt as if I was dying all night long. When I say this I mean I woke my boyfriend up at roughly 2am and asked him to help me I felt as if I was dying.
I went outside because it was cold and it made me feel good, so then I notice it is raining and proceed by laying in the rain while my boyfriend suggests I’m crazy.
Everything felt weird, looked weird and it just totally sucked, I thought maybe drinking milk or water wouls help it ware of BUT nooo
I suffered through this alll night into the early morning. Quite frankly I was scared to go to sleep because death really felt a step away. I
Promised myself I will never again eat hash brownies, and I mean it! Maybe the
Occasional J will suffice.
Not eat more than 1, espcially if u barely weigh over 100 Ibs and another thing don’t use an entire pound in
One brownie batch!!! Haha well signing out! Good luck to any of u wanting to try in the near future!
Byeee JL
I could not stop freakin laughing. Really anxious to try them myself. I’ve smoked for over 20 years, but have somehow never tried the baked goods. Brownies baking as we speak.:)
THe funniest thing I’ve evr read by far! I can’t wait to be that high(:
@Sam R why would you? being high sucks. Hella bad. A feeling that being normal again is never gonna within grasp. A feeling that one need to go to the hospital. Its a very negative feeling. Better to be drunk. Being/feeling high is so unnatural…
you guys are faggots
@Sam: don’t eat too much too quickly and you’re money.
@master debator: do you French-kiss your mother with that mouth?
You are a legend!!!! You should write a book…
3 and a half years after you wrote this post, I cannot confirm nor deny the reason I found your blog, but I CAN say that I laughed until I almost peed my pants at your timed account throughout the night!
You’re my hero <3
Can we be best friends?
I just read this… but it was after I ate the whole bunch at the beginning . Oh well, gonna finish my tea and make a drink. There’s a live band playing in the living room. That chick I just talked to us unbelievably cute!
This is probably the best thing I’ve ever read in my life. EVER. Especially considering I just tried my first, and I’m feeling the same and understand you completely. Ahhh, life= made.