Question: How many weeds brownies/cupcakes did I eat last night?
Answer: 600.
With that knowledge you might be able to understand my current mental and physical state.
I had never eaten weed brownies and/or cupcakes up until last night and 18 hours after consumption I’ve only spoken 6 words and eaten 16 meals. Since one of my roommates is moving back to Florida tomorrow morning and I’m always looking for an excuse to get drunk and do bad things, I decided to have a little shindig at my place last night. It just so happened everyone we invited were extreme potheads and happened to have a lot of marijuana on them. What did that mean? It meant while I downed my red bull and vodka I was chiefing a very healthy blunt, again, and again, and again. It was a great night just like the other 364 I experienced in New York(yesterday was my one year anniversary of living in New York), but when a good friend of mine walked into my kitchen at 2:03am with a bag of fresh baked chocolate weed cupcakes it started to become a night worth blogging about.
I’ve come to realize any pastry filled with weed is not only a wonderful way to maintain a 24 hour high, but they are also a very satisfying meal. While consuming them not only am I able to fulfill my craving for marijuana, but I’m also able to attend to my urge to splurge on a redic amount of junk food. The problem arose when I completely forget the cupcakes and brownies were jam packed with hash…but had already eaten pounds of them. This is what was going on in my head during the rest of my night.
- 2:12am – Wow these cupcakes taste amazing. I could eat 600 of these.
- 2:23am – I think I’m going to get in the bath, fill it with milk and these brownies and just sleep in it.
- 3:02am – Am I the only one that can’t feel my my feet? It looks like they are still attached, but I’m not convinced…I think I might be paralyzed.
- 3:03am – Ok, I feel my feet again, but can no longer feel my elbows. Both of them have gone numb. I should prank call people and pretend to be Hulk Hogan.
- 3:17am – The guy that brought these is a little crazy. What the fuck was I thinking eating these? What if there’s poison in them? I need to make sure everyone else eats them too..that way we ALL die.
- 3:43am – I’m having sex? I’m having sex! Am I wearing a condom? I’m wearing a condom! Look, there’s another brownie on the window sill!
- 4:23am – How am I still having sex? Wow my abs look ripped right now. Who’s making all that noise? Oh shit there’s a party outside. They can see me…I bet they know who’s the cool neighbor now.
- 4:30am – Do I hear more people in the kitchen? Yes, they just lit another blunt! I’m so high right now…I wonder if there is a God?
- 5:01am – Why are these people still in my house? When that girl turns her head I’m going to steal her bagel.
- 5:03am – I don’t give a shit if she knows I took the bagel. This is my house and I’ll eat whomever’s bagel. I took the bagels, so fuck you.
- 5:15am – I’m freaking out right now. I think I’m dying. Maybe I should go back to college. Does my breath smell? Does this girl think she’s sleeping in my bed? Oh, another cupcake.
- 5:22am – I think there was cream cheese and turkey in that bagel. I would have never thought to mix those two things on my own. If I cut my thumb off would I get disability checks from the government? Whatever happened to Boys II Men? I should buy a chocolate factory. I wish I was a lion.
- 5:37am – I can’t sleep with this girl in my bed. She’s like 120 degrees. I’m going to start sweating. I should draw a dick on her face. I shouldn’t of eaten that girl’s bagel. I wonder if Jurassic Park is a real place?
- 9:00am – Hey girl! You’re alarm is ringing loud as fuck. Get out of…hahahah I drew a dick on her face!
- 2:22pm – I’m still high. I forgot to take my contacts out. I didn’t die? I’m going back to sleep.
It’s 10pm and I’ve been at work since 4pm. I thought it would feel like the longest shift since I was still feeling the influences of last night, but surprisingly it went by really quick. Maybe I’ll do this more often. I’m submitting my application tomorrow for a place in Mid Town West. Might end up being a Manhattan man after all.
Happy 21st birthday to my sister Arielle.
Preheating my oven,
Daniel Dickey
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
lmfao!
Oo0Ooo0h, got to love the hash goodies. You must have been just retarded, haha.
Weed brownies are the best. How do you make some good ones?
hahahhahahhahahha!!!!!!!!! as always
Its very funny to read this from your perspective. It makes me want to write about my own “first time brownie eating” experience ;oP
This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Ever. I saved the link and I read it when Im having a bad day or just in need of a good giggle. Thanks for the laughs. Let’s be friends.
I just laughed so hard!! My husband and I are waiting for my first batch of special brownies too cool… Cant waite!!!!