For those of you that don’t speak Russian the title of this is referring to my 22nd birthday this Thursday, August 21st. There is no doubt this is going to be the party of the century. Madonna has already started a countdown… she’s so excited! If you’re wondering, the answer is YES, there has been a media frenzy. I guess they all want the obvious, a invite to my fab shindig. You can say I have been receiving a LARGE amount of phone calls from Hollywood’s hippest. An example: 7:32am, this morning, I get a text from a Mr. Brad Pitt (You might of heard of him), saying Angelia has started signing the papers to adopt me. Yes I know what you’re thinking, I’m going to have the hottest dad in Hollywood. But back to the bash aka my 21+1.
I was thinking about starting the day the same way I always start my day, lighting disabled people on fire. You know what they say, when you’re rich and fabulous you can burn bums like garbageĀ. A couple minutes later I plan to hit the swankiest salon on Rodeo Drive and get a full mani, pedi and handjob. And YES, I know what your thinking, swanky salons on Rodeo Drive don’t give mani and pedis. To that I say it’s my birthday stupid. About 1:30 I’m going to hit my fav pet store and buy some puppies. 1:35 I’m going to have a good friend of mine skin those baby dogs and make me some socks. Already I’m so tired and it’s not even 2:00. I’ll probably have lunch on John Travolta’s private jet as we cruise the skies. Around 4:40 we should be touching down in St. Louis aka St. Lu Lu, to pick up Nelly and the rest of the black guys he hangs out with.
I rented out some Central American country called Guatemala. Diddy’s lawyers did all the paper work. I didn’t want to go with a blah blah whatever themed party, so I with an awesome theme… SLAVES. Not sex slaves. More like black slaves, genius right? I convinced Morgan Freeman and Jamie Foxx to dress up like slaves which was actually quite easy, they just took off their jewelery.
And of course everybody knows, a party isn’t a party without a grand entrance, Drum Roll Please (Morgan and Jamie are beating African drum as I type this. Jamie is a little off beat if you ask me). I am hang gliding into the party, BUT the hang glider is going to made entirely of baby flesh (Lets see you beat that Paris Hilton).
Also the party is sponsored by baby Gap. So you know I’m feena have some off the chain gift bags. And if I forget to mention Elvis Presley is performing. Ask me how? How couldn’t he.
PS: Tom Cruise you are not invited. You are crazy. Katie Holmes you can come but only if you don’t bring anyone from your family. They are crazy. James Van Der Beek is coming, I’m sure you can carpool with him and Joshua Jackson.
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