We were both a little drunk as we sat in the trendy sushi bar debating who was going to go bald first. Jt insisted my hair was thinning and one of my side burns was smaller than the other. I responded by pointing to his receding hair line, resembling that of a retired Jewish man, and asked what color wig he planned to purchase. From there we began crying, as we recalled memories of our youth — long before we had to pay for rent, cell phones and sex. Thankfully I was able to dry my tears with the fact that he is 23 and I am still 22.
Our spicy Asian waitress, who might I say, had a very odd case of lock jaw (her mouth remained 80-90% closed the whole time she spoke to us), brought us our third round of Japanese beer. I stared at the colorful art hanging on the restaurant’s light stone walls, while Jt sized up his sushi. Taken back by its size he said…
Jt: Seriously it’s so big there’s no way I’m going to be able to fit it in my mouth.
Grinning, I responded.
Danny: That’s what she said.
Did I really just do that? Did I make the decision right then and there to bring that back into play? I did. It was a perfect set up… I’d be a fool if I didn’t… I couldn’t resist.
BUT since that moment, my household has been on a that’s what she said rampage, eating up every opportunity to nail a perfect one. We go through 10-20 good ones a day.
So far these are the top 5.
- As I poured Rachel a beer in a large glass vase instead of a cup. “Oh my God that’s so big, I’m going to have to use two hands to hold it.” – That’s what she said.
- Michelle talking about our insane sink faucet. “Every time I touch it, it sprays all over me.” – That’s what she says.
- Stephanie talking about her large winter coat. “I don’t know where to put it. I’ve tried sticking it everywhere, but it just won’t fit. It’s so big.” – That’s what she said.
- Me as I opened the freezer and saw some ground beef. “Are you going to take your meat out and let it thaw?”- That’s what she said.
- Jt asking Tara if he could add his laundry with hers. “Would you mind if I stuck my load in your basket?” – That’s what she said.
I don’t care how old this joke is, it’s amazing and I don’t think I’ll ever stop… even when I’m old and bald (which might be sooner than later).
That’s what she said,