I’ve come to notice anyone I’m close with is usually very comfortable and open with me… sometimes a little more open than necessary. I was drawing a six pack on my stomach when I heard my phone ring.

• Me: Yo
• Friend: Yo
• Me: What are you doing?
• Friend: Shaving my dick.
• Me: Oh, I didn’t know you grew hair on your dick.
• Friend: I’m not shaving my actual dick.
• Me: I said, “what are you doing?” you said, “shaving my dick.”, which would lead me to believe you were shaving your little penis.
• Friend: Despite what you keep writing on my facebook wall, I have a nice long penis.
• Me: Oh that’s cool. It must take you a nice long time to shave it then.
• (He doesn’t respond)
• Me: It’s really not that big of a deal. Wolfman grew hair on his dick and girls still liked him… well I think like one fat girl did. I didn’t finish the movie… all that hair really grossed me out.
• Friend: Look, I was shaving my pubes.
• Me: Really? I thought you would keep them. You know, have like a little lion’s mane. I think it would really give you a edge with the ladies.
• Friend: What do you want from me?
• Me: I don’t want anything, you called me. And now that I’m thinking about it, why would you call me while shaving you genitals? Were you trying to masturbate to my voice? Do you want me to moan for you?
• Friend: I’m going to hang up on you.
• Me: (moaning the words) Noooo. Don’t hang up on me. I want to talk to a man with a wild lion’s mane hugging his wiener.
• (He hung up the phone)
• Me: I guess he had to go finish shaving that monster cock… At least that’s what everyone will think when I post this on his facebook.

Update: He deleted it off his Facebook… so being a good friend I posted it on my blog.

Daniel Dickey