My bike was stolen last Tuesday from north 3rd and Havemeyer in front of a bookstore. It’s a silver cruiser with thick black racing spokes and a black seat and has the name Todd written on the handle bars. It was really expensive and I really want to get it back. There’s a $200 reward. No questions asked. Cash on the spot. Call at *** *** **** or email me at ***********@******.
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 11:03am
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
Found it.
Thomas
From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 11:14am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike
Oh my god, GREAT! Where and when can I meet you?
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 1:05pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
Yeah it was chilling in front of some pole and I knew it was the bike you described. I even took a picture of it to make sure.
Thomas
From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 1:08pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike
How the fuck does that look like the bike I described?
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 6:06pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
Dude are you blind or just dumb? Anyone could see they painted it and changed the stickers to fool you. Open your eyes.
Thomas
From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 9:50pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike
That’s a quarter the size of my bike you moron.
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 10:17pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
Obviously they shrunk it. You paying cash or credit?
Thomas
From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 11:36am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike
Fuck off.
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 12:19pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
Listen I was just kidding man. I didn’t think you’d get so worked up. I really do have the bike though and would love to get it back to you. Sorry about my sense of humor. I thought it would be funny to joke around, but I think things got carried away. Saw-we ;0(
Thomas
From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 2:04pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike
It wasn’t funny, but I’m just happy someone found it. When and where did you find it?
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 2:12pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
Last Tuesday… on the corner of north 3rd and Havemeyer… in front of a book store. The idiot didn’t even lock it up. LOL what a dumbass! Right? What a DUMBASS!
Thomas
From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 2:15pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike
I’ll kill you if I ever find you you IECE OF SHIT.
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 3:10pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
It might take a while… you know, having to walk everywhere. Look for me though… I’ll be on a silver cruiser with thick black racing spokes and a black seat with the name Todd scratched out on the handle bars.
Side Note: I’m not exactly sure what a ‘iece of shit’ is? Is it similar to a piece of shit?
Thomas
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 4:15pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
Ok, so I was sort of being a dick earlier and feel pretty bad about it. I want to help you find your bike and was thinking maybe if you posted this picture of you in front of your bike it would help expedite the search!
Good luck,
Thomas
From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 4:51pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike
I’m getting REAL FUCKING PISSED. Don’t email me again.
From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 4:54pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike
Oh my god… I can totally understand why you are so pissed… I sent the wrong picture. Saw-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Thomas
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
dude your shit has gone way downhill. I was expecting a little more ever since you wrote danieldickey.com on the stairs of the Bedford L train.
weak.
Damn it Jake. My heart is breaking. Don’t leave me, I’ll make things good again… like when we first met.
Daniel, this is great. I find it hilarious. I also find it funny how much free time on your hands you have and how you chose to spend it. But keep doin what your doin b/c I’m getting a real kick out of it while at work!