I know what you’re thinking I have blogged a lot recently (This is like Christmas for my readers). I have been extremely busy the past few weeks and have tried to make a conscience effort to stay up to date with my blogging. I’m actually standing in my Dj booth in Time Square with a play-list playing and headphones on my ears to insure that the 300 people around me think I’m working hard (Defiantly Not). Actually most of the time I’m really doing nothing, I’ve just developed a great “Pretend Like I’m Working Face”. I use it when I’m at work, when I’m building rockets, and when I’m having sex (My girlfriend just gets off knowing I’m naked). Matter of fact I don’t even know what I’m typing right now, but my face sure looks like I’m doing something important (Note: As I typed that and large Swedish man was walking up here to request a song…I guess he saw my face and realized I was “working hard” because that big ogor went and sat his ass down. Also, you might be wondering how I knew he was Swedish? How do I know you’re not a lizard…Exactly).
Back to the important stuff…
I’m thinking about making a porno, but instead of people I’m going to use chairs. It’s going to start with just a empty room and these two chairs…two horny chairs. One chair, the lady chair, is going to fold up one of it’s legs just as the other decides to let his dick hang out. The thing is, it’s a chair, where did a dick come from? The other chair is totally thrown off by this huge multi color dick just hanging there like a rainbow sausage…but her wood hardens. He senses her interest and say something smooth, real smooth “I want to burp on you”. She shy’s away, but responds “Without a table I don’t think anyone will ever sit on me”. A fat smelly bum with rotting feet walks past them, the male chair takes notice, “I bet he would sit on you…but he smells like poop”. She giggles, “Yeah his toes look like carrots before you peel them”. Again, taking notice of his long flaccid penis, “What’s up with that?”. He blows her a kiss, “I’m sorry, if it’s to much I can put it away”. “No No”, she says quickly. “I just was curious why it was so many colors”? My Mother was on of those massage chairs at the sharper image, so many men sat on her I guess I got a little of all of them. She stares at his strong cherry oak frame, “But everything else is one color. Why is just your chair dick so many colors”? “Why does the sun sleep at night”, he says with a sarcastic tone. The sun doesn’t sleep at night, the earth rotates and it can only illuminate half of the earth at a time. Bitch are you a chair or a scientist? I’ve had my dick out for close to three minutes now and you haven’t even touched it, so if you’re just going to keep filling me in about space shit, I know a picnic bench that is begging for this dick. Matter of fact she just texted me some freaky shit on my iphone, saying she wants me to cum on her tits. She’s in complete shock. I’m a chair, I don’t even have hands. Did you expect to fuck me? Where? I don’t even know how we’re taking right now, I don’t have a mouth. iphone? How the fuck do you have a iphone? Your such a liar…all chairs are. I thought you were different. He laughs, Baby I’m made of oak. What did you expect, a lawn chair? Ha.
Yes this might not cause a major buzz in the American porno industry, BUT it will be a surefire hit in Finland (They really really love chairs…especially conceded oak ones with multi colored cocks).
Technorati Profile
No related posts.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I know a couple of chairs that would be perfect for this.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Film two chairs than voice over it! Do it!