A US Airways plane went down in the Hudson River today after attempting to take off from LaGuardia Airport. The plane was headed to Charlotte, NC, until some smelly little Seagulls started up some mischief. That’s right, some snot nosed seagulls brought down a US Airways Airbus. Little bastards.
I’ve never like seagulls. I remember going to the beach as a child and always wandering off. When my Mother asked where I was going, I’d always reply, “to kill some shitface Seagulls”. There’s just something about those feathered fuckers that can’t be trusted. If it weren’t for that seagull in the Little Mermaid Ariel could have kept her voice, her legs, and that sexy seashell bra she used to strut around in. Though I must admit, even a genius like me never thought they would start working for the terrorist. Obviously people are much too smart for the low IQ, goat eating, sheep fucking Al Qaeda and they have resorted to using Seagulls as their main weapon against America. Well guess what Seagulls? You made a very poor decision. I know a couple of 40 pound Pigeons from Brooklyn that will fuck your ass up. Trust that they’ll see you when they see you. I suggest you fly south real quick.
With all of that being said I will be banning Seagulls from my life. I hope you join the fight with me.
From here on out…
- I will no longer eat Seagulls.
- I win not attend any rap concerts that Seagulls are preforming at.
- I will burn every copy I own of “The Seagull”, by Anton Chekhov.
- I will no longer stick up for Seagulls when my Spanish friends call them names.
- I will no longer name my first child Seagull Face.
I hope you regret your actions and I hope to never see gulls agian.
Side Note: Today might have been one of the coldest days this winter and hopefully for the people exiting the plane in the icy Hudson river, the freezing temperature helped deafen the smell of sewage and rot that is the Hudson River.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
this is not funny at all. get a life. u wont be makin this into a joke if your family was involved. STUPID LOW LIFE DIRTY JEW
Wow Lisa, that was so beautifully put. Are you a poet? I bet you are! If it was my family I probably wouldn’t off wrote that because I would be busy with the situation, but I’m sure afterwords I would have something mildly humorous to say. I’m very thankful no one was hurt and that why I tried to find the light of the situation, “The Seagulls”. My mother is a flight attendant so whenever I see something related to a plane crashing it always feels close to home.
And about being a dirty Jew, I actually have OCD about being clean. So you are only partially wrong. I am a Jew, just not a dirty one. I am a clean Jew.
Thanks for commenting. I hope you choke on a chicken bone…just kidding. I hope you have a wonderful evening.
Too soon, I’m just kidding. Very funny stuff. Seagull face!
Hahahaha