A US Airways plane went down in the Hudson River today after attempting to take off from LaGuardia Airport. The plane was headed to Charlotte, NC, until some smelly little Seagulls started up some mischief. That’s right, some snot nosed seagulls brought down a US Airways Airbus. Little bastards.
I’ve never like seagulls. I remember going to the beach as a child and always wandering off. When my Mother asked where I was going, I’d always reply, “to kill some sh!tface Seagulls”. There’s just something about those feathered f#@kers that can’t be trusted. If it weren’t for that seagull in the Little Mermaid Ariel could have kept her voice, her legs, and that sexy seashell bra she used to strut around in. Though I must admit, even a genius like me never thought they would start working for the terrorist. Obviously people are much too smart for the low IQ, goat eating, sheep f-ing Al Qaeda and they have resorted to using seagulls as their main weapon against America. Well guess what Seagulls? You made a very poor decision. I know a couple of 40 pound Pigeons from Brooklyn that will f#@k your ass up. Trust that they’ll see you when they see you. I suggest you fly south real quick.
With all of that being said I will be banning Seagulls from my life. I hope you join the fight with me.
From here on out…
- I will no longer eat Seagulls.
- I win not attend any rap concerts that Seagulls are preforming at.
- I will burn every copy I own of “The Seagull”, by Anton Chekhov.
- I will no longer stick up for Seagulls when my Spanish friends call them names.
- I will no longer name my first child Seagull Face.
I hope you regret your actions and I hope to never see gulls agian.
Side Note: Today might have been one of the coldest days this winter and hopefully for the people exiting the plane in the icy Hudson river, the freezing temperature helped deafen the smell of sewage and rot that is the Hudson River.