Most of my avid readers are aware of my long list of accolades when it comes to inventions.
- I invented the Army.
- I invented teeth.
- I invented Squids.
- I invented Indian people.
- I invented cabbage “the food” (Some loser invented the doll).
But many fans don’t know I was awarded the Nobel peace prize for my achievements in promoting and self producing Eastern Europe’s newest fad, Slavery. NO not with Black people…with Midgets.
- Every household can apply for two fully trained midgets to be used for household work or for personal enjoyment.
- Any and all persons leaving a household must be accompanied by a midget no taller than 3 feet 6 inches or 105 centimeters, fully dressed in a tuxedo with top hat.
- All household food must be stored at least 8 inches higher than the tallest household midgets reach, with a florescent colored sign below stating, “Are you hungry? To bad you little midget!”
- All midgets may be flushed down the toilet if they disobey any of the rules or regulations in the Owning a Midget Handbook.
I’ve also received a honorary doctorate from Harvard University, for my thesis on Paloney (A mixture of Pastrami and Baloney). Some facts about Paloney…
- Paloney can cure Cancer.
- Paloney can run a 100 watt light bulb for 0 minutes.
- John McCain’s arms are made of Paloney.
- Paloney is friends with no one.
- Paloney will win a race.
- Paloney can be demanding.
- Paloney is half Baloney, but 100% fun.
If you too are an acclaimed inventor, Nobel prize winner, or Harvard honorary doctorate recipient, I’ll probably kill you because you’re trying to steal my spotlight, and G Code states to slice a Nigga over some grimey shit like that.
Keepin It Gutta
Daniel Dickey
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Where do I get me some Paloney? 100% fun, I gotta get me some of that!
You can buy Paloney at all local grocers.