If you happen to live inside my belly button and are of somewhat intelligent life (not insects I just pick them out and squash them), I’m sorry. My very sincere apology is due to the many odd situations and experiences that I now realize were witnessed by the little people living in my belly button. Obviously I can not go over these situations individually, because it would most defiantly be used against me in court next month during my highly publicized indecent exposure case. But back to the belly button people, If you are on my blog and can read Pig Latin, I’ve compiled a list of questions for you.
- If you are of intelligent life then I assume my lint does not just so happen to accumulate in my belly button, but you work very hard to gather it from my shirt and bring it back to your little home to use as a bed or maybe as fuel for your little belly button fire. Is this true?
- When I peed all over my chest last Halloween did you drink my pee? That would suck if you and your family thought it was candy water and it ended up being me peeing on my chest…which it was.
- Do you have a daughter? Is she 18? Yes? Does she watch when I shower my dick? I bet she’s never seen one that big. LOL you probably have the smallest wiener.
- If you are in there, would you be in there if I was an outie? Are inies better than outies? I’ve always thought so.
- I’m sure you might still be pissed and maybe a little curious why last weekened your home was filled with pink lemonade and tequila, and of course why a black Tom Arnold look-a-like licked you. Answer…truth of dare shouldn’t be played with 16 guys (Also don’t ever play the “What’s in my mouth game” with that many guys either…you sort of run out of things to put in each others mouth).
- Do you have a family? If you do how do they all fit in there? ALSOÂ VERY IMPORTANT, does some of your family look almost exactly like lice and live in my pubis hair region? If so this would explain a lot!!!!
- Have you ever been inside other parts of my body? (Don’t go in my asshole, I’ll be fucking pissed if I catch you in my asshole).
- If you have the ability to lay eggs, have you already done so in my brain like spiders?
- Are you nocturnal? Not the West Coast rapper who made shitty songs. Like do you come out at night? I bet you watch me sleep…fucking weirdo.
- Do you eat my skin? If you do happen to eat my skin please eat my penis shaped birth mark on my left cheek. That would be really awesome if you ate that and it was gone.
- Are you Amish? I know Amish people are fucking insane, but I think this would be a little nuts even for the Amish! Do you know they don’t use air conditioning? I know…their stupid.
- Would you like me to cut little holes in my shirts for the summer months? I’m sure it get hot in there. I dare you to try and go into my ass in the summer…it’s like Grand Rapids.
- When I get out of the shower and look in the mirror while a bombard myself with negative stereotypical comments, I’m just joking. You know that, right?
- Is my belly hair like a jungle? Do you call it “The Jungle”? That would fucking be so sweet!
- Do you have a welcome home mat? If not, I’m going to shave you one in my happy trail.
- When I stick my fingers in my belly button and moan girls names…you know that’s a joke as well?
- Do you watch me jerk off? It would sorta be like voyeurism.
- Are you that voice in my head that tells me it’s ok to eat Asian babies?
- Are you children home schooled? That would be nuts if there was a school in there and I didn’t even know.
- Are you employed? Do you receive disability checks? Why the fuck aren’t you paying me rent?
- OH WHAT THE FUCK you better not of seen my mom’s puss when I walked in on her in the shower last week. Holy Shit I’ll fucking smush your family if I find out you looked! I’m serious. I’ll kill all of you right now if I even think you looked.
I guess if you were able to read this “Belly Button People”, just leave a comment on my blog, so I’ll know if there is in fact a little family living in my belly button. Also tell your daughter I’ll be showering around 8:00 – 8:30ish just in case she wants a little action…I guess you can come too, no pressure though.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
If you have the ability to lay eggs, have you already done so in my brain like spiders?
LOL a masterpiece
How did you think this up? This should be published.
Sniff the fuckunt.
OMG hilarious. This is the first time Ive rrad your blog and i am w/ a friend and we are dying. good shit.