After having a conversation with a friend about how New Yorkers never do or see all the things tourist come to New York to see, I have since decided to start seeing stuff. Once a week I’m going to try to do or see one of New York’s many facets, and this week I started with the zoo.
I picked the zoo as my first place to visit because last time I went to the Metro Dade Zoo in Florida, I was kicked out and banned for life, because I was caught taking naked picture on top of a giant tortoise. Though I found the whole thing hilarious, they(zoo people) did not. They said if I ever came back they would press charges in Federal Court because it was an endangered species. I quickly replied, “The only danger posed was one of them chopping at my dick, thinking it was spaghetti or something else delicious”. After hearing that, the animal loving park ranger had to be held back. He said if he ever saw me outside the zoo he’d kill me. I told him if he ever saw me outside the zoo it would be in his backyard straight fucking all the turtles on his property. I left, but not before I made a fake turtle with my hands and humped it. I’m sure one day this man will find and kill me… for now fuck him, he’s a bum ass Spanish Steve Irwin wannabe.
So I was now at the zoo in New York city happy as a mother during childbirth. I was buying all sorts of stuffed animal monkeys, wax figurines of lions, and tons of popcorn to feeds the alligators (turns out there were no alligators…big let down). I saw some shows where parrots named the capital of every state and where a bear climbed up a pole and ate some bread. It was all right, but nothing like my days of hoping on a huge turtle reverse cowgirl and blowing kisses at a camera. I tried to think positive and kept checking out the exhibits. I saw some purple lizards, polar bears, and some wild dog that at beetles. I was saving the cool animals (giraffes and rhinos) till the end. I figured the giraffes were crazy tall so it would be fun staring at their necks and the rhino have horns…so if I was lucky maybe two of them would be horning each other.
The giraffes were crazy tall, but all they did was eat leaves and walk around… not interesting. BUT the visit to the zoo drastically changed for the good when I got to the rhino exhibit. Though they weren’t horning each other like I hoped, they were… Oh yeah, me likey.
I would post the video I took, but it gets pretty graphic… especially when I took off all my clothes and tried to get in on the action.
The Zoo = Great Decision,
Daniel Dickey
No related posts.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Man I effing love you. Funniest blog ever.
Hahah! I actually remember you jumping into the Rhino Pit if my memory serves me correctly- we had taken Paris to the zoo (before she had boobs). I can’t take you anywhere! Enjoy the zoooo!