What’s that line on the top of my head? Oh that’s just my scalp… he wanted to say hello. Unfortunately I think he’s going to be coming around a lot more in the coming months/years, until he’s around for good… but you won’t care to know me by then. No one wants a bald friend… unless of course you’re also going bald and then you friend someone balder than you to make you look better (I’m currently looking for a bald person to go to bars, clubs, and concerts with me).
This past Monday I went to my ghetto Asian doctor in Bushwick, Brooklyn and told him I wanted Propecia for my baldness. This is conversation ensued.
- Me: I want Propecia.
- Doctor: You’re not bald.
- Me: I’m going bald.
- Doctor: I don’t see any signs.
- Me: Why don’t you go look in my shower.
- Doctor: Don’t worry everyone loses a little hair.
- Me: Doc I understand you think I’m crazy, but the reason you don’t think I’m balding is because I don’t have gel in my hair. Do you know why I don’t have gel in my hair? Because when I wear gel I look like a bald fuck.
- Doctor: Even if you were going bald, it’s not a big deal.
- Me: That’s because you’re 60 and still have all of your hair. I’m 23 and am going to look like Larry David by St. Patrick’s Day.
- Doctor: Well Propecia will be expensive.
- Me: Do you know what else will be expensive? Trying to convince a girl to date a bald version of me.
- Doctor: Oh I’m sure you’re doing fine with the ladies (he writes I’m NOT bald in his notes)
- Me: What do you think you’re writing?
- Doctor: I’m writing what I see.
- Me: Take it out of my file now!
- Doctor: I need to put what I feel, not what my patient thinks I should put.
- Me: Are you going to give me the drugs or not? I’m telling you straight up, I’m not paying my co-pay if you don’t give me a prescription.
- Doctor: I can’t prescribe them to you. I have to send you to a specialist.
- Me: Then why am I even debating this with you.
- Doctor: I don’t know?
- Me: Me either.
I have an appointment with a dermatologist and a psychologist this week (he would only refer me to a dermatologist if I also went to see a psychologist… he’s a punk. I stole all of the Men’s Health magazines on my way out of the office).
Writing Bald Jokes,
Daniel Dickey
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Propecia is expensive. also lowers Testosterone levels which will slowly but surely increases estrogen. high levels of estrogen will lower ur libido and u will develop gynecomastia aka “bitch tits”. but fuk..if i was losing hair i’d jump on that train too. try Biotin capsules and/or a different shampoo.
ps. stop with the gel. it pulls ur hair out.
Why do you think I haven’t used jel in years!
@jatinder:
probably cuz u cant spell it
Jt, Danny. you two are crack heads. Neither one of you are going bald. In fact, I think you both have more hair than I do.. Love you both, but you are looking in the wrong mirrors.
-me.
You should probably start thinking about getting a weave.
hey,
my hubbys hair is starting to thin so I took him to this store where I get all my hair care products and they recommended he use NIXON brand shampoo and conditioner. Nixon also has a treatment for early stages of balding. It stimulates hair growth by doing sumthing to ur scalp..yo no se que.. Anywho it take 6 months to..up to 2 years depending on how often you use it and shit.. Don’t stress too much danny.. You are funny.. (and sed in a borat voice >) ur body is very niiicee..
anyway good luck with all that. I’m still working on hiding all my white hairs!
I suggest you stop using shampoo that contains sulfates, which is pretty much all of them. Google “sulfates” and you will never want to use them again. You can continue to use conditioner whenever you shower. To wash your hair you can use baking soda mixed with water. Now you’re going to think the next thing I type is hilarious, as do I, but you should try soapnuts. Funny name but they are awesome and could stop your hairloss. I like all the crazy shit you write about and have been a fan since your infamous true life episode. Good luck with keeping all your hair!