What’s that line on the top of my head? Oh that’s just my scalp… he wanted to say hello. Unfortunately I think he’s going to be coming around a lot more in the coming months/years, until he’s around for good… but you won’t care to know me by then. No one wants a bald friend… unless of course you’re also going bald and then you friend someone balder than you to make you look better (I’m currently looking for a bald person to go to bars, clubs, and concerts with me).
This past Monday I went to my ghetto Asian doctor in Bushwick, Brooklyn and told him I wanted Propecia for my baldness. This is conversation ensued.
- Me: I want Propecia.
- Doctor: You’re not bald.
- Me: I’m going bald.
- Doctor: I don’t see any signs.
- Me: Why don’t you go look in my shower.
- Doctor: Don’t worry everyone loses a little hair.
- Me: Doc I understand you think I’m crazy, but the reason you don’t think I’m balding is because I don’t have gel in my hair. Do you know why I don’t have gel in my hair? Because when I wear gel I look like a bald f#@k.
- Doctor: Even if you were going bald, it’s not a big deal.
- Me: That’s because you’re 60 and still have all of your hair. I’m 23 and am going to look like Larry David by St. Patrick’s Day.
- Doctor: Well Propecia will be expensive.
- Me: Do you know what else will be expensive? Trying to convince a girl to date a bald version of me.
- Doctor: Oh I’m sure you’re doing fine with the ladies (he writes I’m NOT bald in his notes)
- Me: What do you think you’re writing?
- Doctor: I’m writing what I see.
- Me: Take it out of my file now!
- Doctor: I need to put what I feel, not what my patient thinks I should put.
- Me: Are you going to give me the drugs or not? I’m telling you straight up, I’m not paying my co-pay if you don’t give me a prescription.
- Doctor: I can’t prescribe them to you. I have to send you to a specialist.
- Me: Then why am I even debating this with you.
- Doctor: I don’t know?
- Me: Me either.
I have an appointment with a dermatologist and a psychologist this week (he would only refer me to a dermatologist if I also went to see a psychologist… he’s a punk. I stole all of the Men’s Health magazines on my way out of the office).
Writing Bald Jokes,