So I bought a diary… well, not really. I took the black and white composition book that I used to write movie ideas and rap lyrics in and wrote diary on the front with a pink sharpie. I’ve been carry it around with me and have made a conscience effort to write in it. First I was just doing a lot of descriptive writing about the comatose bums on the L train… then I made the deep dive into my relationship.
I’ve noticed how everything and anything reminds me of my relationship and I’m completely convinced that any song John Mayer and Michael Buble’ have sang was written entirely about Stephanie and I’s relationship. I was taking the Long Island Railroad to MC a party on Wednesday, while writing in my diary I noticed a big breasted woman lifting up her shirt, letting her firm breast flop out onto her stomach. What was going on? Was this train taking me to heaven? I was staring right at her healthy brown nipples when she grabbed her baby and began breast feeding. Even though her nipples were now covered by her babies bald head, I was ecstatic… I just saw a perfect set of tits. Everything was great… until I remembered the time I told Stephanie I’d take her out to a really nice dinner if she let me try to suck her nipples for milk (Nothing came out, but the tip of her nipples turned blue and stayed like that for three weeks). BOOM I was crying.
Last night we had some people over the house. We all planned to drink wine and play Nintendo, and that’s just what I did until one of my friends threw a rubber chicken at me. How funny I thought! I smiled at the memory of me pushing some kid down the stairs at a Bar Mitzvah and stealing the chicken as he laid in his pool of blood. I was playing with it as I made awful attempts at chicken like noises. Everything was all good… until I pressed the beak together and realized it looked just like Stephanie’s vagina. BOOM I was crying (Her vagina was like a second home to me and the only home to my penis… though he frequently visited our timeshare in her mouth).
After spending two and a half years with someone, they’re everywhere. Whether it’s in music, movies, or a rubber chicken beak, I can’t escape my relationship. Maybe it’s because I’m not yet ready to forget my relationship. Maybe it’s because I still deeply care for her and am holding out for any possible hope that we might have a chance at getting back together….maybe not. Until I figure it out I’ll stay away from rubber chickens and sharp objects.
Breast feeding a Ken doll,
Daniel Dickey
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Daniel,
Is “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room” one of the songs you play over and over again? You must stop because this is detrimental to your health!!! I bet there are smudge marks in that composition book of yours from all the tears that are drowning each page. I am a huge fan of Mr. J Mayor-, however I am chronically single and as I sit in my dark little cubicle 9-5 each day.. and his sad songs play I get depressed about a fake relationship I don’t have and never cared about. Unless you are going to listen to “Heart of Life” or “Your Body is a Wonderland” <– (great song btw haha). I suggest you turn him off and put some “Eye of the Tiger” or “High School Musical”, I got a good one!!! How about “Smooth Operator”. Sade always puts you in a great mood!!!
SS
Slow dancing in a burning room…well don’t you know your John Mayer. Yes, that song reminds me of my relationship as well.
High school musical will defiantly cheer me up…though I don’t know about Sade….I might end up hanging myself seconds after Smooth Operator comes on.
Hey Danny,
It’s unfortunate, and it saddens me deeply that you are going through this. I guess we all do, at some point in our life…
Both g-d and you know I have…. “ain’t no bout a doubt it”… IT SUCKS BIG TIME….EVERY TIME….only good thing that came out of it, is…I lost weight.
But, that to shall pass…and time does heal all…though it’s hard to believe right now…. ex’s might be gone…they’re usually not forgotten…whether for better or worse. It’s one part of life’s not so pleasant experiences. Before you know it, someone else will cross your path, and you WILL move on , I’m sure to BIGGER and BETTER things.
SO, DARLIN’ …HANG in there …4 ” U WILL SURVIVE” … as we all have…and if that is the worst thing that happens in your life, than rejoice.
I LOVE U VERRRY MUUUCCCHHH ….
XOXOXO,
guess who?
p.s. I must admit you do make me laugh.
Seeing that the initials of the person who commented above me are OGS, I would assume it was left by my mother.
Well hello there Mom,
I’m happy to see you are now reading my blog…its’ really been taking off lately. And like always thank you for the inspirational words…very kind.
Question though? What did you think when I compared Stephanie’s vagina to a rubber chicken beak? Or what about when I said her mouth was my penis’s time share? Just curious of what you thought.
Happy to hear I make you laugh mom.
UPDATE: My mother im’ed me on facebook and asked, “What if Stephanie’s family or siblings read your blog?” I said, “Mom they would laugh. They know I’m a fucking gangster”.
She then said, “Daniel comedy is fine, as long as it is not rude, crude or offensive to anyone”.
I told her to hush it.
My mother then replied with, “Danny are you eating real food yet? You need to gain weight”.
I signed off.
LOL your response to your mommy is great!
you like the were “defiantly” you use it in every blog
aw, it’s true you can’t. i’m sorry to hear about this, but the chicken beak cracked me up and i’m lmao (again)..
hey man i LOVE how you write!
well, your obiously not over her yet… and after 2 years? is gonna take a longg time…..