While working at my wonderful job today, a young, very beaver faced teenager starred at me for what seemed like minutes before he asked if I was on TV. Before I could say yes, he told his friends they owed him $6 because he won the bet. He then tried boosting my self esteem by asking how I went from MTV to working at a ‘gay ass place’ like Planet Hollywood. I didn’t care to answer and only shook my head and pointed to the sky, as if to say, God really has special plans for me. He didn’t care and decided to pop some of the balloons in the restaurant in attempts to amuse his fat little friends.
When he finished, he asked where my girlfriend was. I told him, “in my bed sleeping.” He quickly replied with, “that bitch is hot. I’d like to fuck her.” I told him “me too”, and if he could figure out how to, please give me some pointers. His friends laughed as he tried to think of something else to say. I guessed his little brain was tired because he just popped another balloon. He then looked at me and I gave him a look to signify, you’re not going to say something wittier than me, so stop trying to before I smack the shit out of you. He shut his face and walked about fifty feet away before he yelled out, “I’m going to fuck you girlfriend.” I blew him a kiss…with tongue. He looked confused as he ran away.
In other news, The Jonas Brothers came into Planet Hollywood…those Disney channel twerps didn’t even bother saying thank you after I signed and personally delivered several very sexy nude pictures of myself. Well Nick and Craig (I think that’s his name) didn’t, but the middle one (also known as Ugly Jonas) did give my thigh a stiff pinch as he put the pictures into his jacket pocket…which was thank you enough.
Explaining Why I Didn’t Get A Jonas Brother Autograph For My 12 Year Old Sister,
Daniel Dickey
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