I own the blog Stuff Jewish People Like. It’s a mock of the wildly popular blog Stuff White People Like. I created it last year, wrote ten pieces for it, quickly got bored and put it on the back burner to other sites. But despite its lack of updated content it still generates substantial traffic. With that in mind I posted an ad on Craigslist to see if another writer wanted to take it over. Ten minutes ago I received this.

From: charles truckdriver – chuckyk38@hotmail.com
I can write about what jews like…they like to be cheap,they like to act gay,they like to disscriminate,they like to wine and complaine,they like to argure and defend whats wrong,they like to patronize,they like only other jews,they like to wear funny hats,they like to dress in black to look like a wierdo,ect….

Of course I replied:

Hey Chuck,

Surprisingly you’re spot on with Jewish characteristics. Of course you left out the most important one… spell check (Jews love it!) But after reading words like disscriminate, wine, complaine, argure and wierdo I think it’s apparent Charles The Truck driver doesn’t. Grammar truck coming through, honk honk beep beep.

As for now I’m going to pass on your request to write for the blog. But please understand I’m only doing so because as a Jew it’s my duty to ‘disscriminate’. And wear funny hats (again, thank you for pointing that one out).

Dressed in black because it makes me look like a ‘wierdo’,
Daniel Dickey – Humorist
Email – DanielRDickey@gmail.com
Website – www.DanielDickey.com

Chucky by the time you read my response and most probably click on my website to see who I am, this will have been posted here. Do you feel stupid right now? You are.

Honk Honk Beep Beep… moron.

And then he replied.

charles dasher – chuckyk38@hotmail.com
well it seems to be your loss.im sure you will find a foreigner or black to do your work so you can feel over rated and important,like a slave owner.but dont complain to me when toby just cant get the job done write…im tired of hearing these complaints about other people…i have nothing to do with them,i do my job right…so tell all your bagel squid loving friends dont complain to me about other people…and im doing the spell check just for you,you homo jew bastard….

How’d he know I loved bagel squids? (What are bagel squids?)

You know I was thinking about it and well, you’re write. I’d love to have you right for my blog. You’re definitely the write person for the job. Would you be able to start write now? Right back and let me know.

Giving Toby a raise because he got the job done write,
Daniel Dickey – Humorist and/or a homo Jew bastard
Email – DanielRDickey@gmail.com
Website – www.DanielDickey.com

My bike was stolen last Tuesday from north 3rd and Havemeyer in front of a bookstore. It’s a silver cruiser with thick black racing spokes and a black seat and has the name Todd written on the handle bars. It was really expensive and I really want to get it back. There’s a $200 reward. No questions asked. Cash on the spot. Call at *** *** **** or email me at ***********@******.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 11:03am
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

Found it.

Thomas

From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 11:14am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike

Oh my god, GREAT! Where and when can I meet you?

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 1:05pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

Yeah it was chilling in front of some pole and I knew it was the bike you described. I even took a picture of it to make sure.

Thomas

From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 1:08pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike

How the fuck does that look like the bike I described?

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 6:06pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

Dude are you blind or just dumb? Anyone could see they painted it and changed the stickers to fool you. Open your eyes.

Thomas

From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 9:50pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike

That’s a quarter the size of my bike you moron.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 10:17pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

Obviously they shrunk it. You paying cash or credit?

Thomas

From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 11:36am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike

Fuck off.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 12:19pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

Listen I was just kidding man. I didn’t think you’d get so worked up. I really do have the bike though and would love to get it back to you. Sorry about my sense of humor. I thought it would be funny to joke around, but I think things got carried away. Saw-we ;0(

Thomas

From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 2:04pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike

It wasn’t funny, but I’m just happy someone found it. When and where did you find it?

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 2:12pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

Last Tuesday… on the corner of north 3rd and Havemeyer… in front of a book store. The idiot didn’t even lock it up. LOL what a dumbass! Right? What a DUMBASS!

Thomas

From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 2:15pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike

I’ll kill you if I ever find you you IECE OF SHIT.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 3:10pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

It might take a while… you know, having to walk everywhere. Look for me though… I’ll be on a silver cruiser with thick black racing spokes and a black seat with the name Todd scratched out on the handle bars.

Side Note: I’m not exactly sure what a ‘iece of shit’ is? Is it similar to a piece of shit?

Thomas

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 4:15pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

Ok, so I was sort of being a dick earlier and feel pretty bad about it. I want to help you find your bike and was thinking maybe if you posted this picture of you in front of your bike it would help expedite the search!

Good luck,

Thomas

From: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 4:51pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Stolen Bike

I’m getting REAL FUCKING PISSED. Don’t email me again.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 26, 2010 at 4:54pm
To: comm-83jem-2948333129@craigslist.org
Subject: Stolen Bike

Oh my god… I can totally understand why you are so pissed… I sent the wrong picture. Saw-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Thomas

Garage sale this Saturday from 9:00am – 2:00pm at ******** ********  ********. Hope to see you there.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Fri, July 23, 2010 at 9:42am
To: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Subject: Garage Sale

I’ve been looking to buy one for sometime now. How much do you want for the garage for sale?

From: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Date: Fri, July 23, 2010 at 10:07am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Garage Sale

Huh? It’s a garage sale. Everything will be different prices, you just make me an offer.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Fri, July 23, 2010 at 4:12pm
To:sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Garage Sale

$60.

From: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Date: Fri, July 23, 2010 at 9:55pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

$60 for what? You haven’t seen anything yet.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Fri, July 23, 2010 at 11:31pm
To: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

For the garage. $60.

From: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Date: Sat, July 24, 2010 at 1:32pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

LOL I’m sorry, but the actual garage isn’t for sale, just the contents in it.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sat, July 24, 2010 at 2:02pm
To: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

Everything has a price. $65.

From: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Date: Sat, July 24, 2010 at 2:50pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:Garage Sale

I cannot sell my garage, it’s attached to my house :0) Try a hardware store. They sell big storage shacks.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sat, July 24, 2010 at 3:07pm
To: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

Throw in the house and I’ll give you $85. Deal?

From: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 8:21am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

LOLOLOL Yes, I’ll sell you my house for $85 dollars. While we’re at it, let me throw in my car, flat screen tv, and one of my kidneys.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 12:08pm
To: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

Ok, I’ll come by with my lawyer to the address listed in the add. If we sign the papers tonight, when can you have all of your crap out?

Side Note: I’m not interested in the car, but tell me more about the kidney??

From: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 1:14pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

You can’t be serious?! NO, I’M NOTTTTT SELLING YOU MY HOUSE FOR $85!

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sun, July 25, 2010 at 3:03pm
To: sale-fss3h-39558321003@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garage Sale

Fine. How much for just the garage? $50?

So screwing with people on Craigslist has been done many time before, but I got bored last week and decided to give it a try.

Can’t bring this with me to Japan

It’s yours for $10.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Thu, July 15, 2010 at 9:37pm
To: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Subject: Your Pot

Of course you can’t bring it back to Japan… because it’s stolen. Did you really think I wasn’t going to track you down? You so messed with the wrong guy. I want it back in three hours or I’m killing your cat.

Thomas

From: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Date: Fri, July 16, 2010 at 10:04am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Your Pot

What are you talking about? This is my pot that I bought while living in New York. I did not steal your pot.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Fri, July 16, 2010 at 10:37am
To: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Your Pot

After reading your email I’d like to personally apologize… for thinking a criminal of your caliber would willingly admit to theft. How foolish of me. Though I should let you know, you will be caught. I just tracked your IP address and will be coming to your house this weekend to get my pot back. Sleep well.

Thomas

From: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Date: Fri, July 16, 2010 at 11:40am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

THIS IS MY POT. I BOUGHT THE POT. I DID NOT STEAL THE POT. Don’t you dare come to my house or I’ll call the police.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Fri, July 16, 2010 at 12:52pm
To: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

I’d love for you to call the police… tell them Tom sent you. If the automated system picks up (ughhhh I hate when the system picks up) you can reference the case number: 42394302-9432+d9390=3… Yes I already filled a police report. In other news, I’m going to kill your cat no matter what.

Thomas

From: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Date: Fri, July 16, 2010 at 12:59pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

Do you read what you write to me? I don’t even have a cat.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Sat, July 17, 2010 at 9:39am
To: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

Well not anymore… You don’t have a cat anymore.

Thomas

From: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Date: Sat, July 17, 2010 at 1:40pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

I didn’t steal you pot!!!!!!!!!!! You’re a terrible private detective. Don’t email me again.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 19, 2010 at 11:12am
To: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

I remember when I was young, maybe 8 or 9, and my dad would get drunk, make me cook beef, and would hit me with a bat if there wasn’t enough juice on it. I’m going to kill your cat with that same bat.

Thomas

I’ll give you $6 for the pot. Come on we’re old friends.
From: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Date: Mon, July 19, 2010 at 7:03pm
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

Get some professional help.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Mon, July 19, 2010 at 10:52pm
To: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

I have. I’ve hired a lawyer and plan to sue you. I’ll see you in court… or maybe in front of your apartment late tonight.

Thomas

From: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Date: Wed, July 21, 2010 at 8:42am
To: Thomas Foolery
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

The pot is sold. My boyfriend will beat the shit out of you if you come anywhere near my house.

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Wed, July 21, 2010 at 11:16am
To: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

Your boyfriend? Maybe you should have told me you were dating someone before you started leading me on? Hussie.

Thomas

From: Thomas Foolery
Date: Wed, July 21, 2010 at 6:42pm
To: sale-vss5c-1843786562@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Pot

I’ll give you $8 for the pot. Not a penny more!

Thomas