The setting: It’s late in the night, almost morning. Myself and a lady friend are naked in her plump purple bed. We’re kissing (I’m drooling and she’s using much too much tongue) and about to transition from foreplay into sex when I find the urge to ask…
- Me: Did you ever think when you met me that one day we’d be laying in your bed, at 4am, naked, while you massaged my balls?
- Her: (Rolling her eyes, as she was enjoying the soft sensual mood) Danny, you’re such an idiot.
- Me: I’m just saying. The first day you saw me did you ever think, “one day I’m going massage that guys balls.”
- Her: No. The first day I met you I thought you were an idiot.
- Me: Then nothings changed… well, except for your warm hands and my smooth balls becoming acquainted.
- Her: Danny we’re about to have sex. Why don’t you try shutting up for a minute.
- Me: A minute? Who do you think I am? I’ll have you know we’re going to be having sex for at least two minutes.
She starts kissing me again and within a minute she begins tickling my handsome testicles. I get bored, flick her nipples and laugh. She tries to ignore this and wraps her legs around me. Before my pener can say hello to poon…
- Me: You going to flip over this time?
- Her: (Sighing in frustration) What?
- Me: I’m saying… you’re going to take it from the back this time. Or you can get on top. But I’m not doing all the work again.
- Her: What are you talking about?
- Me: What am I talking about? Last time you just laid there all comfortable, panting like a Chihuahua trying to cool off, while I was pounding away trying not to pull an calf muscle. It’s your turn to do some of the work.
- Her: I do do some of the work.
- Me: Remembering to take your birth control pills is not work. So I just want you to know before anything starts, half of tonight’s sex I will be laying on my back, hands behind my head, yelling stuff at you.
- Her: What are you going to be yelling?
- Me: I don’t know. Make me a sandwich… get me a Gatorade… give me a pedicure. Whatever I feel like yelling.
- Her: Fine, but the other half you’re going to be on top.
- Me: Deal. But if I pull another muscle you’re going to give me a massage… and not just my balls… a full body massage. My back, my feet, my ears, whatever.
She starts to kiss me again. The hot dog goes in the bun and before any ketchup comes out…
- Me: Remember that first night we hooked up on one of those duck boats in Central Park? Did you think…
- Her: Damn it Danny! Shut upppppppppppp!
Needless to say she’s invited me over to her house a lot more lately,
Daniel Dickey
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Danny you are great. I love your blog.
Hey dude you wanna hear a funny joke? Once upon a time there was a man with a 25 inch penis. Any guy would be excited to have such a big penis, but this man was not. So one day his friend told him about a witch who could help him. So the friend gave the man the witch’s address.The next day he visited the witch. After telling the witch his problems she asked to she his penis. After showing her, she thought for awhile and finally came up with an answer. “Go into the woods and find a frog. Ask the frog to marry you and each time it says no, your gigantic jewels will shrink 5 inches.” The man quickly ran to the woods. After searching for an hour he finally found a frog. He ran up to it and asked it to marry him. “NO Thank You” the frog said. The man looked down and watched his penis go from 25 inches to 20. The man asked the frog two more times, and again, it replied no. Once he was at 15 inches he thought 10 inches would be perfect, so he went up to the frog and asked it to marry him. The frog replied. “How many times do I have to tell you…. NO, NO, NO” The man looked down at his jewels and watched it go from 15 to 10, and from 10 to 5, and finally from 5 to not even a centimeter.
HA! I’m going to post that on my blog.