So while browsing the tube today (Tube meaning Television, not YouTube. I’m a old fashioned guy). I stopped on How It’s Made on Discovery Channel, this is a great channel in my opinion, because who doesn’t love to Discover things? They were showing how prosthetic limbs were made, something I’ve always been curious to know. Since birth I always presumed they were just dead peoples limbs with a new coat of skin paint. I couldn’t have been more wrong! There’s no such thing as skin paint. WTF, you think they would bother to tell us that sooner!
Back to the task at hand… or no hand if you are reading this because you thought it was An Informative Article on Buying Discounted Prosthetic LimbsĀ, as I have so sneakily disguised the title. Sadly, this won’t help you purchase at fake hand at discount prices, but it will teach you how to write with your feet, which in some countries is considered magic. Houdini didn’t have hands, BUT he was an avid read of this blog. You make up your mind… be magic or be stupid? Your call.
Did you know prosthetic limbs can now operate by the push off a button? Usually I just push babies to get something to operate (note: This doesn’t help things operate, but does relieve my hatred of babies). Prosthetic limbs, which include, but is not limited to, arms, legs, hands, feet, firefly’s and ears are sooo fucking cool. While watching, or should I say Discovering, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like having my very own prosthetic limb. AWESOME, I already knew the answer, but like to imagine. I pictured waking after a restful night of dreaming about fake limbs, I grabbed the piece of perfection, popped that thing on, and within minutes a dump truck pulled up with all the finest hunnies. I was like a piece of dog shit and they were the flies. They wanted me so bad. Why wouldn’t they, those limbs look so smooth and sexy. My limb was like my wing man, just we are both trying to have sex with the same dick. That’s two guys pulling in hunnies for one wang. Which is sort of like a orgy, which is sorta even better.
All of this has helped me come to the decision that I will be purchasing a prosthetic limb for every part of my body. Yes, even for my teeth. It might be the best decision of my entire life, or the worst, not sure yet, but leaning towards the best. Of course to pay for all of these I will have to use my student loans and that would mean I have to drop out of school. But who needs school when you’re prosthetic nipples can produce prosthetic breast milk? Do I plan to bottle and sell the milk for supplemented income? What do you think you’re drinking right now? That’s chocolate milk.
Side note: One of my fans asked me if I plan to get a prosthetic penis. To that I asked her to send me a mold of her vagina. Obviously to get her a prosthetic puss, so I could give her a proper prosthetic pounding. Oddly enough, she sent me mold from her vagina. Whatevs, I can just pound her in the bum.
ALSO I know a couple of blogs ago I spoke about my Ex Girlfriends stubby arm and some of you might take this as a blog devoted to belittling the limbless. That is far from the truth. This blog is about belittling anything I feel like belittling at the moment, not just limited to the limbless.
Daniel Dickey
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