The new hulk is here.
Did you just read that? If not, read it again, because ladies and gentlemen, people of the world, IT’S TIME!
Hulk fucking Hogan, I, Daniel Dickey, am challenging you to a public duel. A brutal beat down in front of the masses. A personal pummeling while the people of the world watch. I have decided that I want, need, must have in order to live, the name Hulk Hogan and if you want to keep it, oh boy you better be prepared to fight. This is no joke. I’m a monster right now. I plan to beat you into the ground like a little worm and then I’m going to shave off your mustache. I’m going to break your face with my fist. I’m going to smash your ass with my foot. I am the Hulk now!
I will be the first to admit I was a huge fan as a child. I idolizes your killer biceps, your platinum blond hair, and of course, the way you ripped your shirt in half like it was made out of toilet paper. As a youth I would sit, eyes lock on the TV, watching you smash your foolish challengers until they tapped out for mercy or were knocked out for the count. Macho Man Randy Savage, pussy. The Ultimate Warrior, dick sucker. Vader, cheeseball. You on the other hand, with your body tanned like a 60 year old Jewish grandmother living in Boca Raton, you my idol, were a hero, a legend. But every hero, every legend, can only last so long. Your time has come. I’m going you grab you by the few pieces of hair you have left and smash your face into the top turnbuckle. I’m going to suplex your saggy body onto the floor. I’m going to fuck your daughter. Your time has come and gone and now it’s my time to be the king, be the champion, BE THE HULKINATOR!
As well as posting this on my blog I am sending this letter to your agent, publicist, ex wife, and mailman. You have one month from today to reply to my challenge or you will forfeit the name Hulk Hogan and will have to go back to your birth name, Terry. If you do have the cahonas to reply, I suggest you get in shape. Because exactly six weeks after your reply we will brawl in front of the entire world, in my mother’s pool area (I don’t really have the connections to get a arena and ring/cage. Maybe you could talk to some people?) Either way I’m going to CRUSH you. Knees, broken. Head, smashed. Ribs, cracked. Name, stolen. If Hogan really knows what’s best, you better run, run far far away… because the Danny train is coming and it’s only making one stop…in your face(oddly enough, I said that same thing to my ex girlfriend, but we were talking about something totally different.)
Side Note: With the letter I’ve also enclosed a special edition DVD of Mr. Nanny. I would greatly appreciate it if you could autograph it and bring to the brawl. Thanks so much.
Doing Six Thousand Push ups,
Daniel Dickey
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!!
Get your smackdown speech ready!
WTF happened??!?! I’m on the edge of my gawd damned seat here! Did the Hulk puss out? Was he afraid his vajayjay would be shown to the world at the hands of the almighty double D??
If his balls show up and this goes down could you let me know because I don’t think I could miss it (the you fucking his daughter part I mean). Hawt!!