As of late it seems 20% – 30% of my conversations with my mother consist of her nagging about me finishing school. So much so that earlier this week I photoshopped a degree and sent to her. This conversation took place after she received the email.
- Mom: Daniel you need to finish school and get your degree.
- Me: Mom I already have a degree.
- Mom: Daniel I’m being serious.
- Me: Mom so am I. That’s a real degree from Harvard.
- Mom: That’s from a pet school and your name is in graffiti!
- Me: Whatever it got me a job.
- Mom: As a dog walker.
- Me: Jennifer Lopez used to do it and look at all she’s accomplished for God’s sake. She had sex with Diddy… if only I could be so lucky.
- Mom: I know what’s best for you. What happens when you don’t listen to me? You always regret it.
- Me: That’s not true.
- Mom: What happened that night I told you not to go out? You got in a fight and got your head cracked open.
- Me: You told me not to go out every night… something was bound to happen.
- Mom: What about that night I said to stay home with your sisters and I? What happened?
- Me: Nothing.
- Mom: Bullshit. You and Oscar got drunk and let that girl drive your car. Forget the fact that you could have died… your car got wrecked and you called me at 5 in the morning in a Miami jail.
- Me: Whatever I met a bunch of great guys in jail and I ended up getting home just fine.
- Mom: I picked up you up at the ghetto bus stop at the mall and had to pull over in a Costco parking lot so you could throw up.
- Me: The jail food wasn’t fresh. You know how sensitive my stomach is.
- Mom: Get a degree. Be a professional. People respect professionals… doctors, lawyers, business men.
- Me: I have my dog walking business. It’s becoming very successful… I just started walking this golden retriever every other Tuesday. The guy said if he likes me he has a friend with two pomeranians. That’s big money.
- Mom: Go back to school and finish your degree. All you need is 40 credits. You’re so close.
- Me: I will go back when I’m ready. I’m too busy right now.
- Mom: Too busy? You just told me you spent the past three days trying to turn yourself into an Avatar.
- Me: And?
- Mom: Do it while you’re young or you’ll regret it for the rest of you life.
- Me: Ok I’m going to do it right now.
- Mom: Really?
- Me: No.
- Mom: Goodbye.
- Me: Bye.
This is the degree I sent my mother. I might start using it to apply for jobs as well.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL im bored at work (with my dad mind you) and re-read all of your blogs in the conversations with my mom category and was laughing out loud and my dad gave me a funny look lol…i can’t keep a straight face reading your stuff danny!!
You’re a dickey to your mom.